Stocking up ....

Thanks for the tips and advice. I'm taking it all on board.

I've just been to the supermarket and stocked up. I've bought a tub of natual yoghurt and ww fruit salad, ww baked beans, cup of soups and crackers to leave here at work.

I have a little notebook that I will use to write down what's slipping past my lips over the next few days. I've started drinking water again as I've been quite thirsty lately so its helping quenching the thirst. But I won't drink water while I'm eating. I remember being at a conference where the one of the speakers was explaining all the functions of the liver and one of the things she said was that drinking water while eating actually neutralises the acid that helps with the digestic process which means that what you eat stays around in your gut for a lot longer trying to digest the food. Do you think it makes sense. Well I think it does. She said its better to have a glass of wine with meals because it already has its own acidity. Well, I'm a believer.

Oh and yes Chris I do on occasion stand in front of the mirror naked and frighten myself. Arrrgghhh!!!!!! But some days when I'm thinking properly in the brain I look and can actually picture myself thin. It probably helps too that with my glasses off everything is a blur and looks a bit smaller lol.

I think its about finding the right switch to turn on/off. It might be different things for different people but I've been thinking and for me I think it's a happy switch within me that has blown a fuse. It's hard to write especially as Mr T might read this and think I'm not happy. But it's not him - it's me. I'm a natural born worrier. I worry about everything and everybody. I'm also very strong and determined and always find a way of solving things. I have a face that I wear that those close to me who rely on me see alls good then I have the other invisible one that slowly tears away inside me and causes the stress, the insomnia, the worry and just builds and builds.

When I'm carefree with no hassles I just thrive. The happiness that builds up inside overrides anything else. It;s like a magnet and being contagious so everybody around you is in the same frame of mind. Must be all those endorphins bouncing off of each other. It's my happy place.

I think for me just sitting here writing this has made me realise what my trigger is. I need my happy place. I only have one hurdle to overcome before I can call in the electrician and get my switch reconnected.

Until then I will just have to bide my time.