Thursday, September 24, 2015

Down 3.8 kgs

in the last couple of weeks.

While I have cut out the wheat its not the only real reason why I'm losing weight.  Mr T and I aren't getting on very well at the moment.  

In fact it's downright awful.

I've been yelled at,verbally abused, accused of taking sides of not supporting him - my heart is just broken.

My son and he had a falling out at work.  It's just skyrocketed.  My son left, right when we are busy and now we have no staff.  It's all my fault - naturally - I believe my son over him.

I don't get it.   I've cried a lot.

I think he might be having a breakdown.  It's like the only explanation.  My husband never yells at me.  We don't fight.  We've always been strong and loving no matter what. 

He's like nobody I know anymore. 

To make matters worse he slipped over on the gravel on Saturday while he and Matt were fighting.   All his weight on his arm.  Luckily it's not broken, but it is very swollen and its extremely painful and his arm is in a sling.

I'm not his favourite person at the moment.  In fact he says he can't stand to be around me.

So now we sleep in separate beds.

I feel so   -  depleted.

Will update when I can.  I'm trying to work things through and make sense of it all.  I've got to find my "inner" strength.   



Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Taking one day at a time . . .

Well I can never say I have a dull life.  Since my last post two more staff members have gone.  Where we were 7 at the start of the year we are now 3.  Lot of closed doors here, a bit eerie.

August was a shocking month and I don't know how I got through it.  I had to bite my tongue so many times.  The pure nastiness of the boss and his wife really didn't sit well with me and a couple of times I had said a few things as it was getting out of control.  Never a nice word spoken.  The rudeness and arrogance was more than I can deal with and it hurt because I never thought they could be so vindictive or selfish.  As far as they were concerned "it was all about me".  Well I'm really sorry but it 's BECAUSE of them that we are in the position we are in right now.  

Since A left, things have been a wee bit calmer.  As the boss's wife isn't here anymore he has no one to side with so little to bitch about.

As far as things being finalised with my job nothing is confirmed yet.  I don't expect it to be for a while yet as my boss has filed a personal grievance claim and if my role stays the same he may be able to use it against them. 

So in the meantime I'm just soldiering on and taking each day as it comes.

I haven't been my own best friend for awhile either.  I've suffered horribly with hot flushes.  I burn up so much.  I've been sleeping with a fan blowing on my face just so I can have some sleep.  I'd be lucky to get 4 - 5.5 hours sleep a night.  No energy at all.

I looked after Miss Sophia for a morning a couple of weeks ago while my son went to church as she was a bit under the weather.  As we were meeting up with Jackie and David for lunch I told him to meet us town.

So we put our smellies on and some lipstick and took a selfie.  (These kids do selfies better than me I can tell you)

 I couldn't believe how puffy and tired my face looked.  I realised I'd really been neglecting myself which I suppose isn't really surprising under the circumstances.

 So I decided to start being a wee bit nicer to myself.  So I've been doing my darndest to  eat healthy again.  I've cut out the wheat, and the crappy stuff that I've been indulging in, cut back on my wine and and eating lots of fresh veges and salads and plenty of water.  I've also invested in a nutri bullet and I love it.  I can't believe no matter what I put in it tastes fantastic. 

The photos below I just took.  There is 9 days difference and I can see the  puffiness is starting to go.  I'm feeling a lot better.  More energy, I don't itch so much - sleeping - OMG from about 10pm - 7am.  That's a lot more than I've had for ages.  I feel like I'm catching up on all my sleep that I've lost.

I'm so enjoying this springlike weather (when it's not raining).  I'm starting to make myself go outside and do things while it's still light.  Dinner can wait a bit longer.  I just need to breathe a little fresh air, pull a few weeds, do something more than just hibernate.

So that's all from me.  Hope you're all doing well.


Happy . . .

Life is great, things are going way better than expected ( I hope I don't bloody jinx it)  we are good, we are happy, we are relaxed....