Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Life . . . .

Life these last few months has been quite bluntly in the WTF bucket.

Never in a million years would of have thought that Mr T and I would be at each others throats.  Never thought there would be a day when we wouldn't want to be with each other.  In the end I started dreading going home.  It was hell.  It was a bloody nightmare.  But things are a lot better now.   I nearly did give up, but we talked and I knew how close he was too a break down.  He's been working nearly 7 days a week for the past 2 years.  He feels like he's always under pressure, stressed out and feels like he doesn't have anything to show for it.  So that's when we decided to start looking for a new boat. It's something that we both enjoy doing together and if it makes him happy then it's worth every penny.   

It's a much bigger boat than our other one.  This one has a cabin that we can sleep in, which will be nice.  We got her for a real bargain.  He picked it up the day after his birthday.  That just about covers his birthdays for life.  He is a happy man.

We are talking a lot now.  He realises now how mean he was.  He keeps remembering how he acted and it makes him feel bad (and so it should).  He knows he was mean and nasty and why did I stay with him.  I guess its marriage.  You don't give up when it gets tough.  You try to work it through.  I never believed it was really him that was saying all those things.

Two weeks after my last post my mum ended up in hospital.  She hadn't eaten in nearly two months, she was in chronic pain.  They found that she had torn her oesophagus and her stomach lining had disintegrated.  We were told to expect the worse and if there was anyone who wanted to see her then now was the time.  She wasn't expected to last the weekend.  She had pretty much given up herself. So I spent nights sleeping on the floor of her hospital room.  They put a feeding tube down her throat and a stent in her oesophagus.  She started getting a bit better, they tried her on mushy solids and it worked well for awhile and then she started throwing it up.  So after nearly six weeks in the hospital they decided to send her home even though she cannot eat.  With no nursing care in place.  So that means my sister had to learn how to hook her feeds up and to flush the line when its finished.  I think that's an awful responsibility to put on the family.  So I've been going over to Tauranga quite a bit lately.  In the beginning I was going over all weekend and every other night after work during the week.  I've slowly cut back now to once a week.  I was just getting so exhausted.  I was over on Wednesday doing a few chores for her and she had a sneezing fit  and her tube came out so we had to take her up to ER.  It was nearly midnight by the time I got her home and well after one in the morning before I finally got home - so I'm pretty shattered and looking forward to spending a weekend at home for a change.  

Nothing has been confirmed with my job yet.  Stuart finished up last month and we've been on our own since then as they have only just employed a new Manager but he won't take over until January now.  So my job has been extended until the end of March now which suits me a lot better.  I think its all working out in my favour and I like the person that they have employed.  He is such a likeable and personable person.  

I can't believe it's nearly Christmas.  Yet again everything is being left until the last minute.  Just like every year things will fall into place.  I'm looking forward to a quiet Christmas this year.  Mr T and I are going away and having our first trip in our boat.  I'm looking forward to a mindless break and not doing a bloody thing.  

Thanks to everyone who's been checking in on me.  You are treasures and I really appreciate it.

Ciao for now.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Down 3.8 kgs

in the last couple of weeks.

While I have cut out the wheat its not the only real reason why I'm losing weight.  Mr T and I aren't getting on very well at the moment.  

In fact it's downright awful.

I've been yelled at,verbally abused, accused of taking sides of not supporting him - my heart is just broken.

My son and he had a falling out at work.  It's just skyrocketed.  My son left, right when we are busy and now we have no staff.  It's all my fault - naturally - I believe my son over him.

I don't get it.   I've cried a lot.

I think he might be having a breakdown.  It's like the only explanation.  My husband never yells at me.  We don't fight.  We've always been strong and loving no matter what. 

He's like nobody I know anymore. 

To make matters worse he slipped over on the gravel on Saturday while he and Matt were fighting.   All his weight on his arm.  Luckily it's not broken, but it is very swollen and its extremely painful and his arm is in a sling.

I'm not his favourite person at the moment.  In fact he says he can't stand to be around me.

So now we sleep in separate beds.

I feel so   -  depleted.

Will update when I can.  I'm trying to work things through and make sense of it all.  I've got to find my "inner" strength.   



Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Taking one day at a time . . .

Well I can never say I have a dull life.  Since my last post two more staff members have gone.  Where we were 7 at the start of the year we are now 3.  Lot of closed doors here, a bit eerie.

August was a shocking month and I don't know how I got through it.  I had to bite my tongue so many times.  The pure nastiness of the boss and his wife really didn't sit well with me and a couple of times I had said a few things as it was getting out of control.  Never a nice word spoken.  The rudeness and arrogance was more than I can deal with and it hurt because I never thought they could be so vindictive or selfish.  As far as they were concerned "it was all about me".  Well I'm really sorry but it 's BECAUSE of them that we are in the position we are in right now.  

Since A left, things have been a wee bit calmer.  As the boss's wife isn't here anymore he has no one to side with so little to bitch about.

As far as things being finalised with my job nothing is confirmed yet.  I don't expect it to be for a while yet as my boss has filed a personal grievance claim and if my role stays the same he may be able to use it against them. 

So in the meantime I'm just soldiering on and taking each day as it comes.

I haven't been my own best friend for awhile either.  I've suffered horribly with hot flushes.  I burn up so much.  I've been sleeping with a fan blowing on my face just so I can have some sleep.  I'd be lucky to get 4 - 5.5 hours sleep a night.  No energy at all.

I looked after Miss Sophia for a morning a couple of weeks ago while my son went to church as she was a bit under the weather.  As we were meeting up with Jackie and David for lunch I told him to meet us town.

So we put our smellies on and some lipstick and took a selfie.  (These kids do selfies better than me I can tell you)

 I couldn't believe how puffy and tired my face looked.  I realised I'd really been neglecting myself which I suppose isn't really surprising under the circumstances.

 So I decided to start being a wee bit nicer to myself.  So I've been doing my darndest to  eat healthy again.  I've cut out the wheat, and the crappy stuff that I've been indulging in, cut back on my wine and and eating lots of fresh veges and salads and plenty of water.  I've also invested in a nutri bullet and I love it.  I can't believe no matter what I put in it tastes fantastic. 

The photos below I just took.  There is 9 days difference and I can see the  puffiness is starting to go.  I'm feeling a lot better.  More energy, I don't itch so much - sleeping - OMG from about 10pm - 7am.  That's a lot more than I've had for ages.  I feel like I'm catching up on all my sleep that I've lost.

I'm so enjoying this springlike weather (when it's not raining).  I'm starting to make myself go outside and do things while it's still light.  Dinner can wait a bit longer.  I just need to breathe a little fresh air, pull a few weeds, do something more than just hibernate.

So that's all from me.  Hope you're all doing well.


Thursday, July 30, 2015

The verdict is in . . .

No change to their proposed organisation structure.  Apparently two part time admin positions are going to replace my current job.  I swear I just don't get it.

 This whole process  has really taken a toll on me.  I'm feeling so old and tired all the time.  

So my Boss finishes on the 21st October, his wife Andrea finishes on the 28th August and my job is disestablished on the 28th August.  

However I have been asked to stay on until the 18th December  to help with the transition period.

So I shall.

I've actually reached a place where I'm okay and thinking positively ahead and starting to look forward to my future.  It might be the best thing that could happen to me.

My husband has been looking after me too.

We went away to Bowentown last weekend just the two of us.  So peaceful and relaxing and what I needed to take my mind off things.

 Had lovely nice walks along the beach, holding hands.  Feeling the love.

I'm pleased to see Mr T with a bit more beef on him.  He looks so healthy.

Right, time to move forward.


Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Life is like a box of chocolates . . . you never know what you're going to get

So -  what you don't know has really been happening in my world is that they have been doing an "Office Realignment"  otherwise known as restructuring where I work.

I have worked here for 20 years.  I love my job.  I love being involved in the community I live in helping to make it a better place.

About three years ago something "happened" which started a battle of personalities which has led to the office realignment.

We are not a very big office - we were only 7 now we are 5 with one more person leaving in a month or so.

Last week we were given a proposal of what the organisation is planning to do.

Of the remaining 4 jobs only one will remain.  And it isn't mine.  Three are being disestablished.  My position is now going to become 2 part time admin positions. 

I am collateral damage.

Am I allowed to say that to get rid of two people they had to make sure that it didn't look like they were personally targetting them otherwise there could well be a lawsuit involved.  So my job has been minimalised as well.

We now have the opportunity to provide feedback before they make the final decision on the 23rd of July.

I have plenty to say.

How am I feeling?  Well pretty fair to say I've been pretty upset and emotional.  

20 years of loyalty doesn't seem to count these days.

However,  I'm not 100% convinced the planned proposal will go ahead.  Because it doesn't make sense and it's ridiculous.  

I have a couple of plans in place so will just wait and see what the 23rd July brings then things will be a bit clearer.

At the moment I am just trying to be positive and professional.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Helloooo . . . .

I wonder if anyone noticed I was gone - afterall I'm not the greatest of bloggers at the best of times.

But if anyone wants to know I'm okay, happy, just busy, dealing with and coming to terms with a few changes in my life. 

So hello 

 I'm another year older now.

I'm still following a low carb diet but a lot stricter now.  I wasn't being completely consistent and my weight was just yo-yoing.  I really need to focus now as I'm 53 and I want to be around for a lot longer and some days I really feel my age and feel buggared with no energy whatsoever. 

So I'm taking things one day at a time. I'm learning to smile more too no matter what the situation is.  When you're happy everything falls into place.  

So healthy living, healthy eating from here on in.





Monday, May 11, 2015

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Happy new year . . .

I hope everyone enjoyed their new years eve celebrations and no hangovers.  

I did not see the new year in.  Mr T and I got back from a roadtrip yesterday around 2pm.  We went up the Coromandel to check out the beaches keeping our dream alive of retiring to the beach. We stayed the first night at Kuaotunu Motorcamp.  Checked out Matarangi, Otama and ended back in Whitianga for the night.   It was lovely to get away.  Managed to get a tourist flat in Whitianga for a very reasonable price.

Well in my last post I mentioned lots of things had happened.  I had actually written my post and bloody deleted  it. It was quite long so I'm gutted and feel like giving up.  But I might just bullet point them

  • Our family vacay to the Coromandel was great.  The house was beautiful.  Lovely place.  We took the boat out from right in front of the house.  
  • Was great until the car broke down.  The ignition locked and would not budge.  Mr T was at the gas station at the time.  Motorists and boaties were getting frustrated as he blocked one of the lanes.  Was not nice.  Finally got the steering cover off and get the car out of park and they were able to move it on trolley jacks.  Someone towed the boat back and luckily we were able to get the car on a trailer and back to the house which was great.  The windows were down and we couldn't lock it.
  • Managed to get a great tow guy who couldn't tow it home until the Tuesday, however he did some research and between him and a locksmith managed to bypass the computer chip in the key and we were able to drive it home.  Great relief to pull in our driveway.
  • when I contacted the dealer they said it would be over $2k to get a new ignition and key programmed. 
  • Mr T was able to find a secondhand ignition and our locksmith reprogrammed the key.  All up cost us $159 for the ignition and $30 to get a new key programmed.  What a relief - so grateful.
  • While we were in Coromandel my friends daughter went into labour.  She asked me to be there as her support.  She was in labour for 52 hours!!!!!  I don't know why they didn't induce her.  I kept in touch by phone and txt.  She wanted me there.  At that stage I didn't even know how I was going to get home.  
  • Good news.  I made it.  I got home from the beach, quick shower and up to the delivery suite.  took over from her mum and one hour later Kiara was born.  What a miracle.  What an honour.  

  •  Her mum got the pip cause Dom wouldn;t let her let anyone know she was born.  She wanted to do that.  Fair enough.  So while she was in the shower she left leaving me literally holding the baby. Her loss my gain.  I was the first to dress bubs and also the first to tuck her in for the night.  I got Dom sorted in her room and she was ready for sleep.  I went home and phoned her mum and gave her a ticking off.
  • My son Matt that moved to Wellington has come home.  He said work was slow and he knew we were busy.  I think he was a bit homesick.  Anyway it has worked out for the best.
  • My gut wrenching news is that my son Nick and his wife Janelle have  separated.  They are the parents of my grandbabies Lucas and Sophia.
  • Nick moved out saying they needed a breather.  I think Nick thought so too and they would work it out.
  •  Janelle asked us earlier in the year if we could have her mums 50th birthday at our workshop.  Of course we said yes cause we get on well with her parents.
  • Two days before the birthday I found out that Janelle is seeing someone else and has been for a while.  She was also planning on bringing him to her mums party.

  • I told her he wasn't to come.  She said he was.  She was allowed to have friends.  I said no.  Then she told me I was selfish and immature.  I saw red.  Two things I definitely am not is selfish and immature and no way am I going to let anyone talk to me like that especially from someone who should no better.  So I gave it to her.  She told me she wasn't going to let me win the battte.  What battle!!!!!  If he couldn't come she wouldn't and it would be my fault that I had ruined her mothers birthday.  (Her mother was right beside me)  Then Mr T had had enough and told her NO it was morally wrong.  So she walked out saying she wasn't coming.  Her poor mum was in tears.  Now who was the selfish and immature one. 
  • End of story.  She came, he didn't, her mum had a great night.  Haven't seen her since.  I don't think she likes being told no.  
  • My son has the kids.  As I said before, glad Matt has come back home cause he and his girlfriend and Nick and the kids are now all living together.  Nick is an awesome dad, always has been, but now he's got support with his brother there and also Matt's girlfriend is studying to become an early childhood teacher.  It's worked out really well.
  • I have been so worried though.  Nick had the kids, but not many clothes and no toys.  Janelle has kept them for when the kids go to her which is suppose to be twice a week unless it doesn't interfere with her new life.
  • So I've bought the kids new clothes, they now have bunks instead of sleeping on stretchers and I made sure they had christmas.  I got a tree and decorations, stockings etc.  Kelly has helped out with clothes for Sophia and toys. Thank goodness its christmas cause they got spoilt and they now have plenty of toys and Nick has turned the spare room into a playroom.  Sophia is very clingy to her dad.  That worries me.  She's slowly coming around though.  I'm so worried about my grandbabies.  Kids should always come first.  I just don't understand.
  • I don't want to say anything bad about Janelle.  She was my daugher in law for the last 7-8 years, been in my life for 10.  I love her, still do. Just struggling to understand and accept her attitude.  Maybe they did get married too early.  But still.  She wanted the perfect wedding, she wanted the babies.  She thrives on the image.  Just don't know.
  • The week before christmas, the kids had an incident.  Nick had left the kids bedroom window opened because it was too hot. He was going to close it before he went to bed.  Then, the kids came out crying.  Someone had tried to get in the window and had pulled Lucas's blanket halfway out.  OMG.  The police came.  dogs, but nothing.  The police said probably a would be burglary.  Nick wants to think that too - he can't bear to think anything else.  Neither can I.  The good news is that the kids are okay and no lasting effects from that night.  Thank God.
  • We've worked really hard this year to turn our business around. On the last working day, a company that we had been doing a lot of work for went into liquidation.  Another kick in the guts.  Pleased to say that we are now working with the liquidators and we will get paid for our work.  
  • A week before christmas I had another shingles espisode.  I am now convinced that it is stress related.  Fortunately I had the right medication which I started taking straight away.  This time it wasn't quite so severe and cleared up before christmas day so I could enjoy our celebrations.
  • This year we had all our kids home.  Krystal was down for two weeks, so was Jamie.  We did have a great christmas.
  • So that's it.
  • Glad 2014 is over.  Looking forward to 2015.  It's going to be a lot better.
  • If you've read this far good on you.
  • Now to shift some weight.  Got a wedding in February.
  • I hope you understand my absence.  Other things also like my work.  Politics.  Some redundancies.  Not me though.  Still not a nice work environment.
  • So can' believe I actually redid this.  Been saving all the way, lol.
  • Here's to a brighter and happier 2015.
  • I'm on holiday now and relaxing.  I promise to be an awful lot nicer to myself this year.

Ciao xxx

Happy . . .

Life is great, things are going way better than expected ( I hope I don't bloody jinx it)  we are good, we are happy, we are relaxed....