Friday, February 27, 2009

Scale Avoidance ......

There's no way I'm getting on any scales in the next few days. This past week I have been such a pig and I just can't seem to stop eating. It's not that I'm hungry I just have this urge to eat all the time.

I'm really disgusted in myself. I just have to find a way back. My portion sizes are just getting ridiculous.

I don't want to think of food. I don't want food to consume my waking thoughts. But they are. At least during my work day. Which probably is the problem. At work I've allowed bad habits to sneak in. I tend to graze quite a bit. I sit behind a computer all day and sometimes I just get restless and bored and I compensate by getting up and going to see what I can nibble on. Does anyone else feel like that???

I got to work something out. I'm going to buy myself a hard covered book to use as a journal and write down what I'm eating, times I'm eating, TOM and all that and especially HOW I FEEL. I've never tracked 100% before. I do it online but some days I don't get on the computer, like the weekends. And yes I know, all the success blogs I've read have all said that. Write it down!!!!

My fridge is looking sad and tired too. Maybe it's reflecting how I'm feeling about food at the moment. That can have a bit of an overhaul this weekend. Get some fresh fruit and veges and healthy stuff.

I also think a trip to Briscoes might be in order and I'll try to find some smaller plates which and bowls which hopefully will help with my portion sizes. I need to start taking positive action.

I have no jeans. My zip busted in my last pair. Well I do have jeans but I can't fit them, never have either. They're the kind that you buy when they're on special and a great bargain and you think you'll wear them when you've lost some weight.

The weather will change soon. I need jeans. I don't need to buy anymore, I just need to fit the ones I have.

I'm going to pore through my old weight watchers books and check what I was doing when I lost weight before. If I did it then and it worked then I can damn well do it again.

If I come across any tips I'll let you know, if you have any then please share....

Monday, February 23, 2009

Just call me "Massey" ...

Saturday night I definitely knew I had an infection. Very hot, very red, little bit sore. The only time it worried me though was at night trying to get to sleep.

I went back to the doctor this morning because I thought there was no way I could stand to have a mammogram with my boob being like it was. I have mastitus. Yes I know. That's what cows get. And so do breastfeeding mums. I am neither. Just thought I'd clarify that.

So now my mammogram has been rescheduled for 3 weeks to give my mastitus time to clear. Yay. I have the proper prescription to clear it up. Double yay.

So I went to give Mr T the good news.

"honey, I'll be ok, I have mastitus"

"but honey I know you have massive tits"

Men - I think they only hear what they want to hear.

So now my new nickname is Massey.

Can't get over the breastfeeding thing tho ..... definitely not me .... hmmmm

Mr T whatever have you been up too??????

Friday, February 20, 2009

I don't have to water the garden .....

The flowers are getting a good drenching. Buggar that will make the lawns grow faster.

Last night getting ready for my shower I noticed that my right nipple was a wee bit tender. After having a quick check I found it was quite hard around the bottom half of the nipple. I rubbed a bit of cream around them and went and told Mr T.

This morning it was softer but there was a definite lump and it hurt when Mr T gave me a hug.

I have been to the Doctor.

I have inverted nipples so of course I can't get the sore nipple to pop out. I don't have any discharge or weepiness. It could be an infection, it could be that I scratched it a bit too hard. Anyway she's faxed through a prescription so I will pick it up at lunchtime and I'm also booked in to radiology on monday for a mammogram.

Hopefully it was just me being too rough. Whatever I'm not going to worry about it until Monday. If it gets better over the weekend then that would be great too.

I'm feeling pretty okay at the moment. I haven't felt like snacking this morning. I haven't had breakfast either. I bought myself a chicken & cranberry panini for lunch so I'll be looking forward to that. Tonight it's our Friday night card night and it's not our turn to cook but we are taking the steak so I'll just have steak and salad.

I also put new batteries in the camera and it's in my bag so I'm already to go again.

I might be back again... I'm feeling in a bit of a reflective mood.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Thinking ....

I’m feeling quite content at the moment. For the first time in I can’t remember when, I’m not stressing out over anything. Kids, business, work …. Nada. I feel strangely ~ peaceful.

So now I have time to concentrate on me and what I want.

Obviously high on my list is to lose this damn weight. I’m becoming quite good at maintaining. I’ve been playing with 2kg for over the last 6 months. Take it off, put it on, off, on …..

I’ve been thinking a bit about my weight issues. I’m truly not liking the big boobies, the sag under my chin, my pillow arms as Josh calls them, my rounder girth and the back fat. Yuck. So what I’m are prepared to do about it.

For me losing the weight isn’t the issue. It’s getting into the right headspace that I really want to do it. Just looking in the mirror and not liking what I see or if I feel blah doesn’t give me that motivation or determination at the moment. I’ve become too complacent.

So now that I have a clear head maybe I can tackle these things.

The total lack of energy that I have at the moment is not because of the weather but because I’ve become grossly unfit and lazy. Exercise and me are not the greatest of buddies. But I do like the “feel good” attitude after exercise. Maybe I’ll get Mr T to come with me for a 20 min walk around the block 3 times a week. God knows trying to keep up with him would be more like a jog. I’d also like to increase my incidental exercise. So every night I will tackle one housekeeping job that will take at least 15 mins to do. Tonight I think I’ll tackle the bathroom. Tomorrow the two piles of laundry that need folding. Doing this I know will make me feel better inside as I do feel guilty when I fall behind in my housework.

I’ve actually identified a few other things that I need to tackle. Like my love/hate relationship with water, my portion sizes getting bigger, my constant craving for food when I’m at work - just to name a few.

Tonight is Thirsty Thursday, but not the thirsty. I’ve just remembered I’m helping my son move into his new flat. Buggar. Oh well, that might count as my incidental exercise instead.

Everything is so laid back at the moment. Mr T bought me a beautiful rose in a vase for Valentine’s day and also a naughtie little game that he got from the grown ups shop. I better not show you a pic as he might blush if he found out you girls knew.

Talking of photos I better get some new batteries for the camera so I can start posting pics again.

Ok I’d better get outta here and go do some work.


Friday, February 13, 2009

Ok goes

I had a lovely birthday “week”, lol.

I managed to get a good night’s sleep the night before, had a bit of a pamper and woke up quite refreshed. Thank god.

Caught up with Jaxx and Lynise in Tauranga for lunch which was lovely. Forgot the camera. As usual the time passed all too quickly.

Got home to lots of lovely flowers and chocs from the kids and my mum and sis. Mr T was a bit down in the dumps because I told him he wasn’t allowed to buy me anything. Not even flowers. We had a big discussion about this, but things are a wee bit tight at the moment and he is a big spender. I would rather pay my bills and buy food than have a present. But don’t feel sorry for me. I’m on the lookout for a ring – not to mention the one I’ve been dropping serious hints about for my wedding anniversary.

Friday we went out fishing – unfortunately no fish was caught. It was a little bit rough and even Mr T got a bit of a queasy tummy. Probably the bourbons from the night before methinks. So we headed back into the harbour where it was calmer and dangled our lines in just in case.

The rest of the time we just relaxed. Did nothing and it was bliss. Caught up on the housework and spent lots of time in the pool. I don’t know what we would do without the pool and because it’s covered we can stay out there for as long as we want without getting burnt. This heat is just diabolical. I just can’t spend more than 10 mins outside in this heat. The nights are so sticky. I went out and bought another two fans for the bedroom to cool us down so we could to sleep. I have them on all night.

I have suffered for my days off last week though. I’ve been full on and working late every night this week. But I’ve survived and I’m so looking forward to a sleep in tomorrow morning.

So things are plodding along here nicely. No dramas which is fantastic. Makes for an interesting change. I’m quite liking boring.

I haven’t jumped on the scales for awhile. I don’t think I wanted to give myself a fright, but I should have. After feeling blah, big and bloated all week this morning I feel the opposite. My skirts hanging loose on me and I “feel” lighter.

Maybe I’ll do a weigh in the morning.

Anyhow I’m outta here – have a great weekend all. Stay cool.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

How to lose 53 years in 24 hours .....

If you know the answer please let me know – ASAP!!!!

I have had zero sleep these last few nights. As such the bags under my eyes are in danger of reaching my chin. My eyes feel like they are open only a couple of millimeters. To top if off I’ve found several more grey hairs this morning – hate to see how many there are when I can open my eyes properly!!!!! My legs are prickly and I need to shave under my arms.

Josh came back from his mum’s on Sunday dehydrated yet again – this time a touch of sunstroke. FFS! As such I was up from 3am the following morning never to get back to sleep. He was much better yesterday morning then when I get home from work yesterday he’s bawling his eyes out. Earache. Couldn’t stand it. So off to Primecare, got some antibiotics – poor little buggars eardrum was bulging – some painkillers and he came right straight away. Then this morning I woke up to him crying at 2am. Not because he was in any pain but because he couldn’t get to sleep. His legs were restless. Personally I think he was getting himself all worked up cause it was first day of school today. So up I get again, popped him in Krystals double bed and snuggled in, rubbed his back and off he goes to sleep. But oh no not me. I am awake. And that’s how I stay.

I am seriously considering getting some phenergan and giving him a dose tonight. Am I horrible. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow feeling like 100yrs like I did this morning. Because it’s my birthday and it’s bad enough knowing you’re another year older let alone feeling a lot older.

By god I tell you I’m feeling really sorry for myself right now.

So tonight it’s dye night, pluck night, shave night, mask night whatever you want to call it. Even a soak night.

Tomorrow it will be …..THE RISE OF THE PHOENIX!!!!!

Happy . . .

Life is great, things are going way better than expected ( I hope I don't bloody jinx it)  we are good, we are happy, we are relaxed....