It's like starting all over . . .

So I thought I'd share a couple of photos of my new hair cut and colour.  I'm not sure if the photos do it justice but I tell you I love it.  It makes feel good and that's the main thing.

So anyway following on from my last post everything is still a work in progress.  

We spent the last week and a bit talking.  Mainly it was him doing the talking and me listening.  Some of things he said hurt and I thought unjustified.  But I still let him talk and get if off his chest.  He made him feel better anyway.  

I wanted to go to the beach last weekend and that was good.  Nice and romantic.  We both enjoyed the peace and quiet and relaxing and even had a few strolls along the beach arm and arm.  

The place looks so good.

That bus wasn't ruining our beach view - lucky it has now been moved permanently.  

While we were apart I had come to the conclusion that I needed to declutter and regain control of the house again.   Colin had been staying with his daughter and son-in-law and he's a bit of a organised person - everything has its place- and its rubbed off on him.  So we've spent a lot of time working our way through the house decluttering as we go and its been really good.  The house looks really good.  The only problem is that he wants everything done right now and there's no way that's going to happen.  I don't work hard all day to come home and work hard all night.  But every night we are doing a little bit.  We've established a better routine for ourselves at night whereas he'll get the washing in and fold it and put it away, do another load and hang it out while I just potter and clear a wee bit more.  In about a month we will have the inside and outside looking just great and then we can work on the fix up things we need to do.  I tell you it's so nice having someone helping me - together we are getting heaps done.  

So things have been moving along nicely until a couple of nights ago.   It seems like he's trying to control me, I know he has the power to hurt me so I've been holding back.  The other night he said something and I said back well I haven't said how I feel yet and he said well tell me, I said no because you've been drinking.  So he hammered me and in the end I told him a bit.  But instead of listening he get interrupting me and justifying himself that in the end I left him to it and he kept on drinking so I went to bed.  

In the morning somehow he had turned it all around apparently everything was my fault and I had to really think about things.  WTF.  So for the last couple of days and nights things have been a little bit "quiet" between us.  

I'm just going to leave for a bit and hopefully he will come around.  One thing I do know is that I do value my own self worth.  I love my husband and I love what we had and that's what I'm fighting for.  But I am not going to be used or taken advantage of or controlled.  I am the stronger one.  So I will stand my ground.  

I think maybe it might be time to get the counsellor involved.  That is, if he's still agreeable.  

Only time will tell.

I hope my next post will be more positive.