Thursday, July 28, 2016

Life's been tough . . . not going to lie

It's been really tough for me for a while now.

My mum got sick last year.  We were told we would lose her last September.  However she rallied and has been on a rollercoaster ever since.  She had split her oesophagus and her stomach was badly ulcerated.  Her only source of nutrients was through having nasal feeding tube put in.

My life  since September has consisted of many many trips after work over to Tauranga spending time with her at home in hospital.  In April she went in for day surgery to have a procedure that would enlarge her oesophagus and allow her to eat more solid foods.  However it had the opposite effect and she eventually stopped eating and slowly started fading away before our very eyes.  I spent many nights heading over to Tauranga after work, staying till late, driving home and getting up the next morning and doing it all again.  I spent a week staying with her in the hospital just the two of us and she started to perk up, only to crash the morning I had to go home.  After talking to the doctors we decided to bring her home.  It's what she wanted.  Six days later she passed away.

It's just been over three weeks now.  I'm still numb, I still work on automaton.  I still have to have that really big cry.  My body is still physically and emotionally tired and it's still hard for me to believe I can go home everynight and not have to rush over to Tauranga.

My mum was never a tiny lady, but when she passed away she was only 42 kgs.

I was only about 8 or 9 when I found out I was adopted and when I found out she was my mother at the age of 15 I was amazed because I have known her all my life.  My foster parents, who eventually adopted me, maintained contact with her all through the years.  They use to take me over to visit her and I also spent one school holiday week with her a year.  My mother has been part of my life ever since.

My two mums

Things are slowly starting to return to normal.  I've missed my grandbabies a lot.

I had a road trip with Miss Sophia a couple of weekends ago and it was so good for me.

There is a bit more to tell but I'll just leave it for now.



  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom's passing - sending heaps of huge hugs to you.

  2. Gorgeous pics

    Wish you were closer, would love to return that big big hug you gave me in April xx

  3. Very sad to read this - especially the way she died. How wonderful for her though to have been a part of your life. That is especially generous of your adoptive mother as this was certainly not the norm back then.

  4. What beautiful Photos... and a beautiful story about your mums! You have been very lucky to have two mums that loved you dearly... xx Take care!


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